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Top Four of My Favorite Fat Insults

You're fat!
NO WAY

Growing up as the token fat kid, I’ve heard my share of insults regarding my weight. Most of them are really, really lame. Disappointingly lame. However, some are so lame that they become awesome all over again. Here are my four favorite fat insults ever:

4. You should be a sumo wrestler! True story: My former youth pastor’s then-10-year-old-son once told me this. His parents were mortified. I told him they don’t make those diapers in my size. He laughed and we moved on. I remember this being one that I heard a lot in junior high. I never understood it. Sumo wrestlers are awesome. If I could be one, I totally would.

3. You’re gonna sit on me and kill me! Wtf? Seriously? If I’m going to kill someone, it’s going to be in a way more creative way than that.

2. You’re gonna eat me! I can’t decide which one is more ridiculous. This one or sitting on someone. Frankly, I don’t find much appeal in eating something covered in acne scars while sporting a crustache (doesn’t that always seem to be the kind of person who says this?)

1. You’re fat! NO FUCKING WAY!

Sadly, I had a huge list of these at work and I left them there. I was amusing myself way too much today reminiscing about high school. ha.

What are your favorite lame-but-awesome-but-still-lame insults?

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