Okay. We need to get this under control. You went back on Weight Watchers. This is a good thing. You can do this. You will do this. Why shouldn’t you be able to? You’re Sierra Effing McConnell. You can do anything.
Let’s also keep in mind that we’re paying $35.99 every month. You barely even have that much money left over after every pay. This will be worth it and you will not screw this up. Sorry. You won’t. I can’t let you. You know what else we’re going to do? We’re going to get you off of your lazy ass and get back to the gym. You liked it there, yeah? Okay, good. We’re going to keep doing that. You need it, fatty.
We’re also not going to keep eating shitty food. This is including McDonalds. I know, I know. You love your nuggas. Too bad. You’re not having them but maybe once a month. Only at the end of the week and only if all of your extra points are in check. That’s how it’s going to be. You need to start eating real food. You just learned you like red peppers. Why aren’t you eating them all the time? How good would those have been in your taco salad? Or maybe cut up in sticks for lunch at work? Oh my God let’s go get some red peppers.
I don’t mean to be a Tiger Mother. I really don’t. In fact, I’m not even Asian. I’m you. I’m as Type-B as they come. I’ve just had enough. You’re not wimping out this time. You’re not going to be apathetic. You’re not going to give up. You are too good for that.
(I feel like a “Get Your Head in the Game” from High School Musical montage should go right here. At least a “WHAT TEAM?!”)