This is why I’m fat: Part 3.

Today I had the lovely privilege of watching an hour-long interview from one crazy nutjob to another crazy nutjob who happened to be a Weight-Loss Surgeon. She not only tried to convince me to get my precious belly twisted and stapled and all those nasty things they do to make insecure people stop eating so much.

She also explained to me why I don’t want to get the procedure done. She knows. She’s 100% sure and has no doubts whatsoever that all fat people need this surgery and that when we don’t get it, there is a very simple reason.

Now, when I heard this, it totally changed my outlook on everything weight loss related. It opened my eyes.

Are you ready?

Here’s the secret to why you, Fatso, do not have gastric bypass or lap-band surgery.

You are afraid of being thin.

Let that sink in for a second.

Is your mind blown yet?

I know mine totally is.

I’m so glad I got to watch this skinny bitch lovely woman all day today. I’m even more thankful that I now know the true reason I haven’t let anyone butcher my digestive system. I’m just afraid of being skinny. That’s TOTALLY it.

There was a lot of other really great stuff on this show, including the psycho-host babbling on about how life must be just so gosh darn hard for us fatties and how he can’t imagine what it’s like not to be able to piss in an airplane bathroom. He’s also pretty certain that anyone who is obese is depressing because, well, being any more than 20 pounds overweight would lead someone to be suicidal.




Yesterday was pretty fantastic. I was way too tired to post something for realsies because I was playing kickball/voccennis (I don’t know what else to call a volleyball/soccer/tennis hybrid. tenneyer?) for hours and had a much needed day of social activity. I’m still a bit pooped. Every muscle in my body is sore. It’s awesome.

This is how I felt about my day:

Notice the lack of glasses.

Goodnight, moon.


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