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Let’s talk about next week.

Hey, blog.

There’s been a lot of things going on lately. Most of these things ended up just me freaking out about how to talk about it here. Next week is kind of a big deal.

Monday: New teeth. I’ve been wanting straight teeth since I first realized that my front teeth basically point in opposite directions. I could get a Master’s degree for the amount I’m paying to straighten them, but I’m so excited.

Tuesday: While recovering from SIX root canals, I’ll be getting my hair cut. This might not seem like a big deal, especially for anyone who’s known me for the past 10 years. I kept my hair no longer than four inches from 12th grade until I graduated college. I’ve been growing it out since then. Over two years. I actually have a legitimate ponytail now and everything. It’s insane. I’m getting it all cut off, though. It was a nice experiment, but my hair is too fine to wear it long. And I made a promise with myself that if I ever got to the point where the idea of cutting my hair made me nervous, I would cut it immediately. Immediately is on Tuesday.

Wednesday: Nothing all that important, really.

Thursday: This is what’s been giving me so much anxiety.

Deep breath.

I’m having my first appointment for weight loss surgery.

I know. I know. I’ve been going back and forth and researching and talking to those who’ve had it for over two years now and I think it’s for the best. I feel like the biggest hypocrite, but I also feel like I need it. I have a huge list of pros/cons going on in one of my notebooks. I have three pages of pros. I have two cons:

1. I have a 1 in 2,000 chance of death.

2. People are going to think less of me.

Why do I care so much about what other people think? I really thought I was above that at this point. Blah.

But, yeah. I’m going through with it. I’m still debating between gastric bypass and Lap-Band. Part of my appointment is going to be figuring out which is best for me.

I’ve only told a very select few about this and I’ve had a pretty mixed reaction. My family promised they’d be supportive once I was definitely getting it (This announcement has been about three weeks in the making now) and so far so good. I’ve only told three non-family members. Now I’m telling you, blog. You deserve the first public announcement.

I have to be on a supervised diet for six months between my appointment Thursday and the surgery, which, if all goes well with my insurance, should be late-March, early-April. This might mean a return to Weight Watchers. I don’t know. It will most definitely mean I’ll be talking about dieting again.

There are few things more conflicting than being someone who believes in fat acceptance/health at every size and also getting WLS, let me tell you.

So, are we still friends, blog? I’d like to be. I’ll be posting more about it in the future, obviously, especially regarding the exact reasons why I’m doing this and not just going on some diet. I just needed to get this out in the open already.

Here’s the obligatory picture.

This is basically my pre-diet-diet. It’s been lovely so far.
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11 thoughts on “Let’s talk about next week.

  1. Honestly, I think the weight loss surgery makes a lot of sense for you. I mean, you’ve had weight issues all your life, right? That suggests that there’s a biological issue, something you can’t control, and therefore that a biological fix is appropriate. If you’re eating to fill an emotional need or you love unhealthy food so much that you’ll eat it even if it makes you sick, then the surgery might not work for you. But I remember how in Weight Watchers, you would have trouble eating all your points and still wouldn’t lose weight. That sounds to me like your body won’t slim down unless you eat tiny amounts of food. The ideal fix would be to change your metabolism, but since the medical means to do that aren’t yet available (you’ve been tested for hypothyroidism, right?), weight loss surgery would at least make it so you could eat the required small amount of food without feeling like you’re starving.

    1. I’ve been tested for everything you can imagine. The only thing that we’ve figured out is that I most likely have PCOS, which makes it extremely hard for me to lose any weight. But I can totally gain 20 pounds in a year and a half. No issues with that at all, of course! But, yeah. Nothing with my thyroid. No diabetes or hypertension, for that matter. I’m the healthiest fatty around.

      1. 😦 I wish doctors were better at figuring this stuff out. I suspect there’d be a lot more progress made on figuring out what causes obesity and how it can be treated if society wasn’t constantly blaming people for carrying excess weight and assuming they must be gluttons.

        By the way, I’m not sure how much of an issue finding clothes is for you, but I just found out that <a href=http://www.eshakti.com/<eShakti carries sizes up to 36 now, as well as being willing to customize their clothes. I don’t know what kinds of clothes you generally wear or what you can afford, but I like some of their clothes and their size range is really wide.

  2. I feel you about the hair. I kept mine short for years & years, even had it buzzed off & bleached out in undergrad. Somewhere in grad school I started letting it grow out & haven’t had a major haircut in over 10yrs. I have been wanting to cut it off, but it’s so long… So yeah, I feel you about the hair trap.

    And at least you are taking the WLS thing seriously. It’s for some ppl, it’s not for some ppl, & you have to do what is the right thing for you. I am glad you are seeing a serious doctor about it. A friend of mine, who has never tried anything more diety than taking diet pills (but that was really because she likes speed tbh) just had something called a mini-gastric bypass. She didn’t have anything beforehand. It was done by a doctor in another state & she just went down a couple of weeks beforehand, gave him some money, & voila he cut her open. But most of the people I’ve known who did it had tried for years to lose weight & just couldn’t do it or couldn’t keep it off, & their health was impaired in someway either because of their weight or in ways that was made worse by their size (a manager who had MS). Thankfully most situations are that delicious combo of crazy person & greedy doctor. Good luck with your appt Thursday!

    1. Mine is only maybe two inches past shoulder length. As nice as it would be to keep it long…meh. I don’t know what I’m doing with it. I keep it in a ponytail unless I’m sleeping. Or in the shower, I suppose. It’s too thin for words. Of all the traits to inherit from my grandmother, I get the fine hair. Of course.

      I have to go through the six months of diet, plus seeing a therapist and getting a full psych evaluation before I can get the surgery. I can’t imagine just showing up to some doctor and being all, “Hey, dude. Cut me.” That’s insane. If there were another way to do this sans surgery, I’d be in completely. I hate the idea of people touching my guts.

      1. If she had to do any of that stuff she would have never made it. I’ve known this woman for nearly 20yrs now, & I can say that with certainty.

        It’s a very serious step to take & think knowing someone is truly committed to the changes that must be made & is doing it for the right reasons knowing the risks, etc, is incredibly important. I can’t believe any doctor would just operate on her like that.

  3. Hey dude. I support you, weight loss surgery or no weight loss surgery. And I don’t think the surgery is taking the easy way out at all. It’s a hard thing to do. You’re a smart person and I think you’re making the right choice (because who knows you better than you?)

    HEARTS AND EMOTICONS AND STUFF.
    -Meredith

    1. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m getting it done solely so we can go to Disney and I can fit in all of the rides in Harry Potter world. Are there rides in Harry Potter world? I don’t know.

      I mean…

      THANKS BRO ❤ 😀 🙂 :3

    1. Clearly you are aware of Natalie Dee, but are you aware of her other blog, “Stuff I Put on Myself”? At the end of her most recent blog, “Snacktime” (http://www.stuffiputonmyself.com/2012/09/snacktime.html) is the power I wish to impart to you. Natalie Dee is a BA chick who tells it like it is. Sometimes I ask myself, “What would Natalie do?” The answer is always, the thing that she wants, no matter what others’ opinion of it is.

      1. Bah. This got stuck in my spam filter because of the link. I really need to figure out how to make that stop happening.

        I just started reading “Stuff I Put on Myself” a few weeks ago, but I didn’t read that one until just now. I feel like Natalie and I are the same person. I want to grow up to be her. Or Judge Judy.

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