C’mon, Fatso tradition: Posting during the first week of the month and mysteriously vanishing for the next ~30 days, leaving you all to assume that I’m off doing something fantastic and cool, but really I’m just crying into a bag of Fritos over Breaking Bad*.
Okay, I’ve had that typed and this page open for like an hour now while I copied work notes from my old notebook to my new one. And then I made a cup of the worst damn tea I’ve ever had in my life. Holy shit. Like, I always have tea. Always, always. Somehow, I don’t have any black tea. I hoard tea. I don’t know how this happened. I’m trying to drink this super-mega-off-brand bag tea my grandma bought, and I can’t even describe this taste. It’s like hot, watery milk. Which is basically what it is, even after steeping for a solid six minutes. But I’ll drink it, because I’m a trooper.
Can I tell you a story? When I was in college, I always bought condensed laundry soap, because the smaller, lighter bottle was easier to carry to and from my third-story room to the basement laundry room. I bought some new kind of this condensed soap about a month ago. Saturday, I was doing my laundry and I picked up the soap bottle, noticing it was a little light. “That’s strange,” I said to myself, because I’ve only done two loads and barely used any. I asked my sister if she had been using it, to which she said, “Oh, you mean your fabric softener? Yeah.”
“That’s not fabric softener! It’s that condensed laundry soap! And I just bought it! Stop using it!”
“No, that’s…that’s definitely fabric softener, Katie Ka-Boom.”
Sister walks to the laundry room and brings the bottle to me. “Read it, crazy.”
“Fine! See! It says right here! “Laundry…” Shit, that’s fabric softener. Huh.”
That’s right, blog. I’ve been washing my clothes in fabric softener and not soap for a month. At least my clothes have smelled fantastic. That’s why it’s an hour past my bedtime** and I’m sitting here at the kitchen table, waiting for my clothes to wash. In soap this time. I finally wore my last bit of clothing that was new enough not to have been through the fabric softener phase. At least that means we get to spend some quality time together.
And I think my laundry’s done, but it probably needs another spin in the dryer. Hang on, WordPress.
Yep. 40 more minutes at least. Cool.
So, also new in my life, is I’ve tried to accept the fact that I’m a food addict. Really deep after the laundry story, I know, but I keep meaning to blog about it. I’ve been working through Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for the past week or so, and it’s been helpful. It’s also been helpful that the strangest people in my life have told me they have the same issue. I never would have guessed. Anyway.
One of the first things I’ve learned from the book is that while I may feel completely out of control with my eating, I’m still in charge, and there’s a huge difference. It sounds so ridiculous to people who don’t get food addiction, but sometimes I just can’t put food down. I can’t stop eating. I’m so full that I’m ready to puke, but I’ll eat another couple of cupcakes or something. Like, I’ll justify it by, “Well, I just ate something really salty, so I need something sweet!” then eat some cookies. Then, “Okay, that’s too sweet, I need something savory!” “Too soft! I need crunchy!” and on and on and on. I’ve also been trying to stop and identify what I’m really feeling when I think I’m hungry, especially at work. After doing this for almost three weeks, I’ve learned that most of my hunger at work is just me being restless because the shows I’m working on are generally terrible these days, or I’m bored or frustrated, but usually just restless. I’m almost never truly hungry at work, which is crazy because I usually eat all day long while I’m there because I feel like I’m going to starve by the time I leave.
So. There’s that. I need a support group, but not a real one. I’m a Millennial and face-to-face communication scares me. ***
Let’s keep talking about this, though, okay? I’ll try not to abandon the blog this time, but we all know every time I say that, that’s what I do.
Have a good day, blog, and in case I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!